Music and children

During the summers when I was a kid, I spent a lot of time in our car, driving to places. Every summer we went to my dad's home to visit grandma, uncles, aunts and cousins. It was an 8 hour ride. And we also drove other places. All around Norway to be tourists in our own country and see the beauty it had to show. As we got older we drove to places around in Europe. Although a lot of hours have been spent inside a car, it's something I wouldn't be without. It has given me memories that I will  never forget. But that's beside my point.

We always had music with us in the car, and the first couple of years there were especially two CD's that we used to listened to. It's amazing that they haven't been ruined after all the use. They are still very much alive. In fact, they are lying here beside me on the couch. The CD's are full of great childrens song. They are also a part of my family, as they have been listened to thousands and thousands of times. It's fun to listen to them again. I still know every single word on every song.

What's even funnier is listening to the CD's I listened to when I got a little older. When I started listening to English music. At the time, I had absolutely no idea what the lyrics meant, I just sang along with sounds I thought were right. Listening to it again now is kind of weird. I still know the "sounds" I made while singing along, and it makes me laugh. What's even worse is that I can now finally understand what the songs I listened to actually meant. I got to say, some of the songs are okay, but some of them, wow, I can't even believe I listened to it.

But that just shows what kids are like. They don't care what it means, as long as the songs are something that makes them want to sing a long, they do that, sing a long. And that's why I love kids. They don't have a care in the world. Well, except if the sister got more chocolate and stuff like that. I think that's why I love being with kids. For them, it's all about right then and there. Not tomorrow and not next year. They live in the moment, and when I am with them, I do the same. I forget about my heart hurting because of a guy, I forget about the worries of my future and I don't have to deal with all kinds of stupid drama. I love it. I love being with kids, and I have finally found out exactly what I want to do with my life. It feels so great!

One of our many trips, this time somewhere in Europe in the middle of the night 

Things doesn't always go as planned

The doubt had been there since she started. That little voice had asked her so many times "is this really what you want to do?" She had said yes, because at the time, she thought it was. That nagging feeling she had, had started as this question. As the days went on, and she got to know the new people around her, it disappeared for a while. The lessons were hard, and she had to study a lot, but she did it, because she wanted to do this. She had a lot of fun with the new people she met. Her group, group number 5, just had to be the best group. They had so much fun together, but when they had to, they were also very good at working on assignments together. It was great. That is one of the reason she stayed.

After a while though, that nagging feeling came back. She became unsure, very unsure. But she stayed. She enjoyed her time with her group. But she couldn't stop thinking that this was wrong.

One day, it became enough. She decided that this wasn't for her. She was done. And so she quit. The very next day, she had told the people she needed to, and she was done. Her feelings were mixed. Now she had to tell her group. She did after a couple days, and they took it well, and wished her good luck with what she chose. It was a big relief to finally have told them. 

The very next day, she woke up with a smile on her face, and she felt amazing. She knew what she wanted to now, what she wanted to do with her life. And it was a great feeling. 

All she had to do now was wait. Wait until she could start over with what she really wanted. And while she was waiting, she was gonna work. Hopefully at the school right next to her, as a substitute, just to get a feeling of what it was like. But she knew. She finally knew, and she did not feel unsure about this. She knew what to do, she just didn't know where to go to school. But she didn't worry too much about that, she had time to figure it out. 

She was finally happy. Her days were good, no matter what happened. She was happy with herself and what she choose to do. She finally felt as her life was gonna be great. 

 

Oh happy days

She made it just in time, the train got to the platform just as she took her last step up the stairs. She was exhausted, and so ready to sit down on the train. Her disappointment was big when she found out the trains was full and had no available seats, so she had to stand the short trip. Oh well she thought, it was only 12 minutes. She turned her iPod on and just waited.

When she arrived at Oslo, she was one of the first persons off. She hated being stuck behind people, so she always made sure to be at the front of the train. As she walked through the train station to get outside to where her bus stop was, she looked around and started thinking about what a great week it had been. She had so much to think about these days, but she was happy. She enjoyed going to school, she knew for sure that nursing was something she really wanted to do.

She was happy. For once, she was really happy. She wasn’t thinking about those friends that had just left her, and she wasn't worrying too much about the future. The worst was over; she had told her parents that she wanted transfer to another college. A college located across the ocean.

 

There was this guy she had seen, he was also studying nursing. There was something about him, but she couldn’t really say what it was. She was always looking for him, and she felt something inside her when she saw him. She had absolutely never talked to him, the closest she had been was when he was sitting next to her in class, and they were walking out. He apologized because the person beside him had some troubles. That was it. But still, there was something about him. She just didn’t know what. It made her confused, because she was in love with someone else. At least that’s what she thought. Or was she just in love with the thought of being in love?e apolohe

I think I love college a little

For once, I am actually looking forward to school. And that's not because I get to see all my friends there. I really enjoy this now. College has a totally different environment than high school. At least in Norway it does. I'm majoring in nursing, pediatric nursing to be exact, but I gotta get a degree in nursing before I can move on to pediatric. But back to my point. First of all, I only have classes that have something to do with nursing, no history, politics, Norwegian or English, just anatomy, communication and so on. It is certainly more than enough though, that's for sure, but it is nothing more than what I really need for my future as a nurse.

And the people have a lot to say as well. No one is complaining anymore about how there is no point in learning this because we will never use it later on in life anyway. People are interested in what we are learning, people want to learn as much as possible about this, everyone has a different attitude than in high school. And you have people of all ages. The oldest one in my group is 50 years old, which mean we get a very different point of view when it comes to stuff, because this lady has a lot more experience than us students coming straight from high school. I like working with older people as well. And people are more grown up, they don't make trouble out of small things, and I don't think I will have to deal with loosing a friend again like I did last year, because people here are simply not that childish.

And we have practice. In the school there is built a hospital hall with four rooms, each room having four beds. We go around and pretend to be in a hospital, which I found really exciting. It makes me know for sure that I have chosen the right thing. And that is really good to know, since I was so unsure of what to do with my life. I know what I have chosen is right, I just don't know if I have chosen the right place to do it, although my college is great.

How can I make this decision?

The girl I am now is so very different than the girl I was only two years ago. That's no surprise, considering everything I've been through. And it's good, of course, but sometimes, I kinda wish I could be the girl I was before all of this. Just so that I wouldn't think this much. Yeah, thinking is good, but sometimes, if you think too much about stuff, it's not so good.

Two years ago, I would make a desicion and only think about the nearest future and what it would bring. Take for example my exchange year. When I made the desicion that I wanted to do that, all I thought about was how it would be that one year, I did not once think about what other consequenses it would have. I never thought about how it would be to come back  after that year.

The summer before I left Norway, I told myself that I would not get involved in a boy there, at all. But when I transferred schools, I met a boy, and I quickly knew there was something about him. And I quickly told myself that if we started dating, then that's what would happen. In the back of my mind I was thinking about how it would be to leave him, but my desicion was only based on how it would be while I was there. I never thought about how much it would hurt to leave him, or how hard it would be to be in love with someone who lived across the sea.

Would I have changed it if I could, and not get involved with him? Never. My first boyfriend was american, but it was a relationship I wouldn't be without. I learned stuff about myself, and my wants and needs. But that's not my point.

My point is that now, when I have a desicion to make, I look forward in time. And I'm not talking about a couple months, I'm talking about several years. I try to imagine what my life will be like if I choose one thing, and what it will be like if I choose the other.  But it's an extremely hard desicion to make when there will be one important thing missing in both of those futures. And no matter what I choose to do, someone will get hurt, and no matter what I choose it will be hard on me.
My desicions now makes me think so much that I'm about to go crazy, and it just ends up with the desicion not being made. So what do I do, how do I make this desicion?

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Late summer night walks

After three years of high school, one of them spent as an exchange student in the States, I can for sure say I have found out who my true friends are. And I have to say I have gotten a few surprises. Friends I thought I would never lose is no longer talking to me, and some of the friends I thought I was losing has only become better friends.

It's nice when I get to talk to friends I haven't talked much to lately, and realize that we can still talk about everything. It's nice that I can take my dog out for a walk, go over to my friends house, and together we take a long walk in the evening, and just talk. Talk about our past, our future, old friends, new friends, ex boyfriends. Basically just everything

It feels good to go out in the warm summer night and know that that friend wants to be with you, wants to share her thoughts and feelings, and wants to listen to yours. It's nice to feel appreciated and loved.

The story of a lifetime

A chapter in life is over, and it's time to continue the story. It's time to stop worrying about the people that has left the story. Some of them just leave, without a single goodbye. Some of them you lose simply because you have no more to talk about anymore. Others you lose after a fight, and realizing that things will never get better, so it's better to just leave them alone. And it hurts to lose people like that, it hurts to know that people you once were so close to, won't be there in the next chapters. Some might be back in later chapters, but most of them will never show up again, ever.

The ones that will actually stay in the story are the ones you need to focus on. Forget about the old chapters and the people in them. It's the new chapters that counts, it's the people that are going to stay in the chapters you need to think about. You might have to put up a little fight to make some of them stay, but in the end, it will be worth it.

And remember, you are making your own story. You decide when a chapter ends and when it's time to start a new one. You decide how the story is going to end.