Oh happy days

She made it just in time, the train got to the platform just as she took her last step up the stairs. She was exhausted, and so ready to sit down on the train. Her disappointment was big when she found out the trains was full and had no available seats, so she had to stand the short trip. Oh well she thought, it was only 12 minutes. She turned her iPod on and just waited.

When she arrived at Oslo, she was one of the first persons off. She hated being stuck behind people, so she always made sure to be at the front of the train. As she walked through the train station to get outside to where her bus stop was, she looked around and started thinking about what a great week it had been. She had so much to think about these days, but she was happy. She enjoyed going to school, she knew for sure that nursing was something she really wanted to do.

She was happy. For once, she was really happy. She wasn’t thinking about those friends that had just left her, and she wasn't worrying too much about the future. The worst was over; she had told her parents that she wanted transfer to another college. A college located across the ocean.

 

There was this guy she had seen, he was also studying nursing. There was something about him, but she couldn’t really say what it was. She was always looking for him, and she felt something inside her when she saw him. She had absolutely never talked to him, the closest she had been was when he was sitting next to her in class, and they were walking out. He apologized because the person beside him had some troubles. That was it. But still, there was something about him. She just didn’t know what. It made her confused, because she was in love with someone else. At least that’s what she thought. Or was she just in love with the thought of being in love?e apolohe

I think I love college a little

For once, I am actually looking forward to school. And that's not because I get to see all my friends there. I really enjoy this now. College has a totally different environment than high school. At least in Norway it does. I'm majoring in nursing, pediatric nursing to be exact, but I gotta get a degree in nursing before I can move on to pediatric. But back to my point. First of all, I only have classes that have something to do with nursing, no history, politics, Norwegian or English, just anatomy, communication and so on. It is certainly more than enough though, that's for sure, but it is nothing more than what I really need for my future as a nurse.

And the people have a lot to say as well. No one is complaining anymore about how there is no point in learning this because we will never use it later on in life anyway. People are interested in what we are learning, people want to learn as much as possible about this, everyone has a different attitude than in high school. And you have people of all ages. The oldest one in my group is 50 years old, which mean we get a very different point of view when it comes to stuff, because this lady has a lot more experience than us students coming straight from high school. I like working with older people as well. And people are more grown up, they don't make trouble out of small things, and I don't think I will have to deal with loosing a friend again like I did last year, because people here are simply not that childish.

And we have practice. In the school there is built a hospital hall with four rooms, each room having four beds. We go around and pretend to be in a hospital, which I found really exciting. It makes me know for sure that I have chosen the right thing. And that is really good to know, since I was so unsure of what to do with my life. I know what I have chosen is right, I just don't know if I have chosen the right place to do it, although my college is great.

How can I make this decision?

The girl I am now is so very different than the girl I was only two years ago. That's no surprise, considering everything I've been through. And it's good, of course, but sometimes, I kinda wish I could be the girl I was before all of this. Just so that I wouldn't think this much. Yeah, thinking is good, but sometimes, if you think too much about stuff, it's not so good.

Two years ago, I would make a desicion and only think about the nearest future and what it would bring. Take for example my exchange year. When I made the desicion that I wanted to do that, all I thought about was how it would be that one year, I did not once think about what other consequenses it would have. I never thought about how it would be to come back  after that year.

The summer before I left Norway, I told myself that I would not get involved in a boy there, at all. But when I transferred schools, I met a boy, and I quickly knew there was something about him. And I quickly told myself that if we started dating, then that's what would happen. In the back of my mind I was thinking about how it would be to leave him, but my desicion was only based on how it would be while I was there. I never thought about how much it would hurt to leave him, or how hard it would be to be in love with someone who lived across the sea.

Would I have changed it if I could, and not get involved with him? Never. My first boyfriend was american, but it was a relationship I wouldn't be without. I learned stuff about myself, and my wants and needs. But that's not my point.

My point is that now, when I have a desicion to make, I look forward in time. And I'm not talking about a couple months, I'm talking about several years. I try to imagine what my life will be like if I choose one thing, and what it will be like if I choose the other.  But it's an extremely hard desicion to make when there will be one important thing missing in both of those futures. And no matter what I choose to do, someone will get hurt, and no matter what I choose it will be hard on me.
My desicions now makes me think so much that I'm about to go crazy, and it just ends up with the desicion not being made. So what do I do, how do I make this desicion?

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