Boss of the day!

Working with kids is great, and I absolutely love it. But it can be tiring, so so so tiring. Friday was the worst day I've had at work so far. I think.

The 5 and 6 year olds had been sleeping over in the kindergarten. Which meant that two of my coworkers also had done that. So they went home early, almost right after I arrived. And the third one wasn't at work due to a sick child or something. I was there with two other ladies, both of them from another country and not the best at speaking Norwegian. And neither of them has worked that much with the kids at my place called "Rollingene" So I knew the routines and the kids the best. The result was that I was gonna be the one in charge.

The girls that had spent the night there were exhausted and were crying and complaining about everything. "I wanna go inside, I wanna do that, I don't want that to happen, I want to go home, my stomach hurts, I want my mommy!" All day long. And it was hot, I think it was up to 26 or 27 degrees celsius, and it was awful. So everyone started getting sick and tired of the sun, and having 20 kids complain isn't very pleasant. And it didn't help that we were only three at work when usually we are 4.

But I managed, and I'm proud of myself for that. It was an exhausting day, but I learned from it, and it's a good experience to have. I was completely worn out when I got home though. Spent the entire evening in the same chair, only getting up when really necessary.

What connection?

There used to be something there. I just to smile just thinking about it. You used to chatter away like there was no tomorrow, and I used to do the same. We could talk for hours. But now?

It's not the same. You were acting kinda weird. Not saying as much. Not paying that much attention. Is it just because it's been so long, or is it simply because what we once had is lost, gone just like that? In one way I want it to be. It will be so much better for both of us. But unthought what we had was great, and I don't want anything great to go to waste. I don't know anymore where I want this to end up, my head is just a mess..

When giving up seems like the only option

The days go by, and I hear nothing from you. I'm weak, so I always find something I have to ask you, and that is always how it starts. You never take the initiativ, even though I've told you what you can do to make things better. I get that you don't have time for me when I have time for you, and I'm okay with it. Sort of.

I  miss it, the sound of your voice, your warm arms wrapped around me. Fingers intertwined, it felt like our hands were made for eah other. I miss the way you made me feel. Your hugs that would make me feel safe, even though everything around me seemed to collapse. Your kisses. Oh, how those kisses made me feel. I miss seing you. Laughing with you, at you. I miss how you always seemed to make me smile. Lately it has been more tears than smiles because of you.

Is it because I miss you, or do I just miss the feelings? For the longest time I thought I was sure that I missed you. Now I am not so sure anymore. There is another one that makes me smile. Who gives me great hugs. A someone that I see everyday, and when I don't, I hope I run into him somewhere. A someone who is able to make my day just by saying I dressed nicely. Or that I smell so good. You are still in the back of my mind, but why?

You say you're not over it, but if I still meant the same to you, then surely you would have been able to find some time for me. Not only find, but make time for me. How do you expect me to keep going like this if I never hear from you? Or if you never do what I have told you
you could to make things better?

It takes two to tango. And I also thought that the man was the one leading, not the woman.

Music and children

During the summers when I was a kid, I spent a lot of time in our car, driving to places. Every summer we went to my dad's home to visit grandma, uncles, aunts and cousins. It was an 8 hour ride. And we also drove other places. All around Norway to be tourists in our own country and see the beauty it had to show. As we got older we drove to places around in Europe. Although a lot of hours have been spent inside a car, it's something I wouldn't be without. It has given me memories that I will  never forget. But that's beside my point.

We always had music with us in the car, and the first couple of years there were especially two CD's that we used to listened to. It's amazing that they haven't been ruined after all the use. They are still very much alive. In fact, they are lying here beside me on the couch. The CD's are full of great childrens song. They are also a part of my family, as they have been listened to thousands and thousands of times. It's fun to listen to them again. I still know every single word on every song.

What's even funnier is listening to the CD's I listened to when I got a little older. When I started listening to English music. At the time, I had absolutely no idea what the lyrics meant, I just sang along with sounds I thought were right. Listening to it again now is kind of weird. I still know the "sounds" I made while singing along, and it makes me laugh. What's even worse is that I can now finally understand what the songs I listened to actually meant. I got to say, some of the songs are okay, but some of them, wow, I can't even believe I listened to it.

But that just shows what kids are like. They don't care what it means, as long as the songs are something that makes them want to sing a long, they do that, sing a long. And that's why I love kids. They don't have a care in the world. Well, except if the sister got more chocolate and stuff like that. I think that's why I love being with kids. For them, it's all about right then and there. Not tomorrow and not next year. They live in the moment, and when I am with them, I do the same. I forget about my heart hurting because of a guy, I forget about the worries of my future and I don't have to deal with all kinds of stupid drama. I love it. I love being with kids, and I have finally found out exactly what I want to do with my life. It feels so great!

One of our many trips, this time somewhere in Europe in the middle of the night